Hi. Cellophane here.
Have you ever felt the need to disappear from your life and everyone around you? Like you have to disappear to appreciate your own existence?
I recently made a trip to South Korea. I’ve been here for almost three weeks and still have two weeks left to go.
There are times I wonder what I’m doing here 6,000 miles from home in a country where people who look like me aren’t exactly welcome.
Out of pity, I remind myself that this trip was meant to be for my sanity. The funny thing is that ever since I got here I’ve been at war with my own thoughts more than ever.
I don’t have a job when I go back because I quit the one I had. I’m seriously in debt. I’ve got student loans, car payments, and credit cards that need to be paid off.
I wish I could tell you that it was all for myself, but it wasn’t.
The car was for my brother’s benefit. The school loans were to “create a better life” for my family and me.
Nobody prepares you for the shittiness of life.
Nobody warns you that life is hard work.
Everything seems so easy when you’re a kid. I guess this is life’s way of telling me to grow up, but how?
I don’t remember being a kid.
All those memories have been swept away and replaced with nightmares that haunt me from my past.
How do I move on without disappointing anyone?
How do I make my own life without leaving my family behind?
I don’t know.
I need to appear back in my life.
Maybe it’ll all make sense soon.