Sometimes You Need A Donut

Hi. Cellophane here.

A donut is a delicious treat. It’s fattening and all sorts of bad news if you’ve got diabetes or a gluten allergy. Thankfully, you can also get donuts made out coconut flour and without sugar.

Anyways…

To me, a donut equals happiness. No matter what my mood, a donut can cure me of any ill thoughts.

I’m sitting at a Krispy Kreme this morning. Sipping coffee and eating a donut by myself. Lounge music played on the speakers, while I watched people walk by me outside.

Most people here travel in pairs or packs. It’s rare to see someone walking by themselves.

I don’t know what that makes me. A loner?

Regardless, the donut and my caramel macchiato were delicious.

How To Be Alone

Hi. Cellophane here.

I don’t know if you’ve noticed that some people can’t bear to be alone. They fill their days with as many social events and work projects to avoid being by themselves. It’s like they can’t stand the silence and their own thoughts. They have to be entertained and stimulated at all times.

I love being alone. Then again, I’m an introvert. I enjoy my alone time because it gives me time to think, reflect, and contemplate my life. I’m only 26 years old, but sometimes I feel twice that age.

It’s this way of thinking that has led me to believe that you have to know how to be alone in order to learn to love yourself.

I don’t completely feel okay in my own skin yet. I don’t know if I ever will.

Maybe one day I’ll finally be at peace with myself.

Spending time by myself seems like a good way to start.

What about you?

 

 

Too Little Too Late

Hi. Cellophane here.

I’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I might have made a hasty decision. I’ve never made a reckless choice without analyzing all of the options. That’s my thing. I overanalyze every sing decision. I should say that was my thing until the beginning of this month.

I decided that I couldn’t work for my current company anymore and I quit. I thanked them for the three years that they allowed me to work for them, but I couldn’t handle the stress and the physical exhaustion I was living under. I spent two whole months without seeing my family because all I would do was sleep as soon as I got home and then wake up with barely enough time to go back to work again. It was hard.

Sure, I could’ve stayed, but sometimes it’s better to leave while you still can.

I saw the women that worked there and I saw my future. I didn’t want to care so much that I never thought to leave because that would limit my options. It would leave me stuck.

Which is kind of funny cause at this very moment, I also feel stuck.

I hope I can make it work.

Not knowing what happens next is scary.

 

Worthless

Hi. Cellophane here.

Do you ever wake up feeling a sense of worthlessness? We’re taught at a young age to become good people and follow the rules set forth by our parents or elders. We’re tricked into believing that life is worth it, that we’re worth it.

Then you wake up one morning and you don’t want to go to work because the thought of spending ten hours doing something you hate is unbearable. That’s when you realize you’re stuck. You’re worthless, a lonely leaf traveling with the wind. Fragile and cracking as the sun’s rays dry you out.

You realize life isn’t worth it and you reach for the magic elixir that will end it all.

You bring the cup to your lips, but a loved one walks into your room and you can’t do it.

Maybe life is worthless to you every day of your life, but to that smiling face, it’s something completely new.

 

Inadequate

Hi. Cellophane here.

Have you ever felt inadequate? Like everything you’ve done is not good enough. I’ve felt that way for quite some time now.

The more I meet new people, the more inadequate I feel. Everyone I know is getting married, having kids, excelling in their careers, and I’m stuck.

I don’t know how to get myself out of the quicksand I’m in and the harder I try, the deeper I sink.

Does anybody have any rope? Or is this the universe telling me that there’s nothing I can do? Perhaps I’m not the heroine of the story, but the sad, dejected cook hiding in the kitchen.

Maybe.

Obsolete

Hi. Cellophane here.

Today, I had a most unusual experience. I was with a group of people I’d never met before. I went along and had a cup of coffee with them and another person I know. That person was the focus of the conversation and little by little, I realized how obsolete my existence was.

I could see my presence shrinking and shrinking until it was no longer necessary in the conversation.

Eventually, the meeting ended and they asked for that person’s name but didn’t even bother to ask for mine. We sat talking for about an hour and they didn’t even care to know my name.

Guess that’s why they call me Cellophane. They could see right through me and not even know I’m there.