Hi. Cellophane here.
I hate when my mother drinks. She’s not a drunk per se, but every time she drinks it drives me fucking insane. I’m sorry if I cuss more than normal, but I can’t take it anymore. My whole life I’ve tried to help my parents, my mom especially, but I can’t help someone who’s so far gone. It’s a fucking mess. It’s all a fucking mess.
My mom’s been through a lot of shit and I should be understanding, but how much shit do I have to shovel before I get through to her? How many times do I have to plead with her that drinking isn’t going to chase the fucking demons away?
I’m trying to make sense of my life, but I can’t take any more of her shit piled on top of my shit. I can’t. I won’t. I don’t know what to do anymore.
Who do I turn to? Who the fuck is supposed to help me in my time of need? God won’t hear my prayers because he lets her continue to fuck up her own self by letting her give in to her vices. A psychologist won’t do shit because it’s all talk and cost a shit ton of money.
The only thing I want to do these days is end my life, but I can’t. I fucking can’t because of my siblings. Who are they going to lean on? I’m so fucking tired.
I’m sorry for ranting like a lunatic, but I don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t know who to ask for help.
If I was brought into this life for this shit, then fuck it all to hell.
Fuck it all.