Hi. Cellophane here.
Have you ever had to make a trip across state lines in the middle of the summer? It’s certainly is tiring when you’re driving through nothing but desert in 100+ weather.
I had to make a quick trip to Las Vegas, Nevada last weekend and I found myself spending time with my dad and his wife. Now, I should probably mention that I’m afraid of my dad, but not in the traditional sense. I’m mostly afraid of disappointing him because he had such high expectations when I started college. He came to this country hoping to find the American dream but still hasn’t been able to fulfill that wish. He was probably expecting me to be the answer to all his monetary problems in some way. Alas, that is not the case.
So there I am, seeing my dad after two months of concealing the fact that I didn’t have a job. Thankfully, I recently accepted an offer so at least I had some good news to report. The funny thing about talking to family members is that I tend to steer the conversation to the stuff that is happening in my friends’ lives.
Mainly because I have nothing to report about my own life. I’ve been trying to deal with a growing pile of debt that hasn’t given me the opportunity to go out, socialize, and take an active role in networking for some of my online business pursuits. I don’t have a boyfriend/husband, so there are no grandkids on the way. I’m super behind on the typical events that are supposed to take place in your twenties and because of that I feel that in some ways I’m a failure. It’s hard to communicate with my dad sometimes because he’s so critical of the things that I do. I’m the oldest of three and the burden of leading an exemplary life is creeping up on me as I get older.
It’s hard to communicate with my dad sometimes because he’s so critical of the things I do. I’m the oldest of three and the burden of leading an exemplary life is creeping up on me as I get older.
Will I ever be enough?
I don’t know, but I hope my heart can take it.