Size

Hi. Cellophane here. 

I’m at a shopping mall in South Korea and I’ve never felt so sad and empty.

Sad because I let myself get to the point where I get stares for being so big. Empty because I didn’t notice until now.

I know every country has a different norm, but I feel like people are judging me because I’m so big. They don’t know my life and what I’ve gone through. They don’t understand the reasons that I got this way. 

Maybe it’s my fault. For not caring enough about myself to give a damn about how big I’ve gotten. 

I know this is a first world problem and some people don’t have enough food to eat and one of the reasons I’m so fat is because I have consumed a lot of food without doing enough exercise. Still, pain is universal and I feel it every day I’m in this country. 

As much as I love this place, it’s taught me that I have not led a good life to be a healthy human being. I have not loved myself enough to care about my health. 

I have not done enough.